Whether you’re new to the chemical industry or have been part of it for years, we will provide you with everything you need to become a master in the art of influencing policymakers. We’ll show you a stepwise approach that is guaranteed to succeed. In the unlikely case that any of the arguments should not quite hit the mark, don’t worry! There are many more to cover up for it.
The steps presented in this guide are all well-tested — the European chemical industry has been following them with great success for years.
Are you ready? Let’s go!
Step 1: Say industry is drowning in regulations and red tape
Before trying out any of the other arguments, you should ALWAYS start off with this one. Why? Because the more companies voicing it, the greater effect it will have on policymakers. If we all join forces, we can easily drown out the background noise from progressive companies saying otherwise.
As for the argument itself, you would think that policymakers love regulations. After all, that’s what they do. But no one likes bureaucracy, not even them. They’re well aware that they have a bad rep for overcomplicating things and want to do whatever they can to prove people wrong.
And now is your time to strike. At the moment, they’re really into “simplification” — which is their code word for deregulation. But keep that to yourself. If anyone should ask, they’re just simplifying overcomplicated and inefficient regulations.
Step 2: Claim the chemical industry is in a financial crisis
Output, sales, profits — everything is going down the toilet. Drive home the point that the European chemical industry is in real bad shape and needs all the help it can get.
But, VERY IMPORTANT, only present numbers from the last three years. Never go any further back than 2022. As you know (discounting the 2008 financial crash), the chemical industry has had two fantastic decades with insane profits. But policymakers don’t need to know this. Also, keep quiet about the billions in dividend payments and share buybacks in recent years.
Instead, be selective and only present the bad numbers. Then, keep repeating how you need support for investment, innovation, restructuring, and so on. In the end, they’ll fall for it, we promise.
NOTE: If you feel the need to make your case even stronger, now is a good time to complain about energy prices.
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Step 3: Make sure they understand what will happen without chemicals
“The safety and well-being of the entire world are dependent on the chemicals that we provide. Without them, forget about modern society, we would all go back to living in caves”. No, really — you can take it this far.
Really hammer in how important your chemicals are — without them we would have nothing. Don’t spare any ammo. Chemicals production is the mother of all industries, so you can easily make the case that the world would collapse without your business. Trust us, we’ve seen it work.
And remember: every use of toxic chemicals is essential. Don’t get stuck on medical devices and such — even rubber ducks can be seen as essential to society!
Step 4: Spin the story so that your hazardous chemicals are seen as sustainable
“Without hazardous chemicals there will be no solar panels, no electric cars, no windmills, no heat pumps, no wind turbines”. Now, we can’t take credit for this one. But please say a quiet thank you to the one who came up with this — because it’s genius.
Environmental organisations and other antagonists will have nothing on you if you make the case that the toxic chemicals you’re producing are necessary to the green transition and saving our planet. You might not be able to convince them, but that’s fine. It’s the policymakers you need to convince.
But, just like with step two, it’s extremely important that you do not mention that there are safer alternatives for all of these green technologies. If you do so, you may jeopardise the entire argument — for everyone, not just your own company.
NOTE: Should you encounter many counterarguments, just dismiss them as not being science-based. That should do the trick.
Step 5: Blame China and the US!
We’re coming to the end of the guide now, but don’t despair. There’s still one argument left in the barrel. BLAME EVERYONE ELSE. It’s not your fault and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The blame is on China and the United States — they’re cheaters!
There should be a free market for chemicals, a level playing field, and fair and equal competition. But the Chinese government has been investing massively in chemicals for 30 years. That’s not fair.
And what about the US? Their energy price is half that of ours — and now they are going to slap tariffs on us too!
If we don’t keep up with the other power players, we’ll lose our competitive edge and fall way behind. There is a time for everything — including morals and the survival of our planet. But this is not it, there are bigger issues at play here.
There’s more where this came from!
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Final remarks: We hope you have found this guide helpful and learned a thing or two about how to make policymakers feel sorry for the chemicals industry — even in times like these when there is absolutely no need to.
Good luck in your future lobby work, and remember: the more arguments you can use from this guide, the more likely you are to succeed.
This text is satirical. Its aim is to shed light on the dubious practices of laggard companies in the chemicals industry that are unwilling to change to safer chemicals. ChemSec does not, by any means, encourage companies to follow the steps presented in this guide.
