It has been three years since we last heard of them, but the people at Hoogenboezem-Fisher have not been idle. The global PR consultancy has been busy managing the reputations of corporations and dictators.
And now – following a leak of confidential emails from its Brussels office – ChemSec can reveal that Hoogenboezem-Fisher is the lobbying firm spearheading the chemical industry’s ongoing PFAS propaganda. We believe it is in the public interest that we publish these emails. Each month, we will release a new set of leaked correspondence.
What follows are the unfiltered, unedited emails from John Hoogenboezem Jr. (pictured above), head of the company’s Brussels office.
Part 1: The ACME contract
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 09:00
Subject: BIG NEWS for Hoogenboezem-Fisher!!!!
Dear colleagues,
2025 has got off to a flying start for Hoogenboezem-Fisher: we have won the contract with the Association of Chemical Manufacturers in Europe (ACME)!!!!
This means the redundancies we announced before Christmas can be reversed. Luigi, Emma, Sofia and Hugo, you are welcome back. I hope the news about losing your jobs didn’t stop you having a wonderful festive period.
“The Association of Chemical What??” I hear you say. Yes, I know, nobody has ever heard of ACME, which sounds as dull as Love Island for Mormons. When I hear the word “chemicals”, I need a slap in the face to stay awake. Chemistry is for spotty nerds with no personal hygiene.
But that’s why the spotty nerds have come to Hoogenboezem-Fisher – to give them a MAKEOVER, to make them fun, to make them SEXY!! And they will pay us millions to do so!! ACME represents thousands of companies in Europe and they are swimming in cash.
Of course, I know absolutely nothing about chemistry. But knowing nothing has never stopped us from doing brilliant PR. Indeed, it means we bring a fresh perspective because we are not restricted by the facts.
2025 is going to be an exciting journey for us all. Welcome on board!
John
– –
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations,
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations,
Rue de Luxembourg 81,
1000 Brussels
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 09:02
Subject: Business lunch
Michelle, ma belle, could you be a darling and book me and Graham a table for lunch at Comme Chez Soi? The contract with ACME is a game-changer. Our strategic business discussions will continue for most of the afternoon, so please cancel anything in my diary.
Oh, and right now a tall skinny latte would really hit the spot. You’re an angel!
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 09:03
Subject: Liquid lunch
Grazza, we have to celebrate. See you at Comme Chez? I have cleared my desk so we can mount a serious attack on their wine cellar.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: luigi_mandarini@hotmail.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 09:45
Subject: Re: FW: BIG NEWS for Hoogenboezem-Fisher!!!!
Dear Luigi,
I am sorry you feel so strongly. Hoogenboezem-Fisher has always had your best interests at heart, right up until the day before Christmas when we had to let you go.
Best of luck with your future opportunities,
John
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: geert.kirtdurk@acme.org
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 10:15
Subject: Looking forward to working together!
Dear Kurt,
I am honoured that ACME has picked Hoogenboezem-Fisher to run your public relations going forward.
It is good to hear that our reputation management for East European dictators is so appreciated. I imagine there are many other aspects of our work that made us stand out from the PR crowd, not least our success in rebranding the lobbying industry itself as “strategic communications”.
Chemicals are a new area for us. Unless you include our campaign for Ultra-Clutch hairspray, which contains some powerful stuff (we use it to stick down the carpet in the office). But our slogan “What makes a man reach out and touch? Ultra-Clutch!” was a huge success. And in the courts we successfully fought the allegations of encouraging sexual harassment.
Let’s meet again as soon as possible. Can I suggest Comme Chez Soi? They have a rather good wine cellar, and a great desert trolley.
All my very bestest,
– –
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations,
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations,
Rue de Luxembourg 81,
1000 Brussels
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: jemima.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 10:47
Subject: Re: Ben’s birthday
Darling of course I can pop into Cuisine Naturelle on my way home and pick up a ceramic non-stick frying pan and some wooden kitchen utensils for Ben. But should we really encourage him? The boy can barely boil an egg, so I have no idea why he needs to throw out all the plastics from his kitchen, the main danger from which is cockroach infestation, if you ask me. And in any case, where is the plastic in a frying pan??
P.S. We won that big chemicals account I was telling you about! Bound to mean promotion at last for yours truly. You did chemistry at high school, maybe I should hire you ha ha!
Love you always xxx
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: ben.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 11.30
Subject: Re: Your birthday
Benji, how’s it hanging with my main man!!! Dude, your mum has asked me to get something for your birthday. Without giving away any secrets, it is kitchen related. I just wanted to check: you okay with that? Wouldn’t you rather have the new World of Warcraft? Or a boombox? Or at least some soap lolz! Only kidding!!
Keep it real 😎
Big Daddio
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 6 Jan 2025, 11:43
Subject: Quickie
Ma chère, could you Google that peafuzz nonsense that Dirk from ACME was banging on about at our last meeting? Clearly peafuzz is a big priority for them, so I need to get my head around it.
And could you set up some appointments with my personal trainer? My six-pack won’t look after itself! It’s salad for me at lunch again, as usual!!
Part 2: You too, Brutus?
From: madison.kowalski@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.europe@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 09:00
Subject: Brussels shows the way
A big American HELLO from Hoogenboezem-Fisher HQ in New York! 🇺🇸🇺🇸 How are all my lovely HooFies doing out there? 💕
Big up to John Junior and the Brussels crew for winning a tasty contract to start 2025! The ACME account promises to do a lot for our bottom line.
To incentivize you all to give this business your fullest attention, HQ is launching a Europe-wide competition to rebrand ACME (Association of Chemical Manufacturers in Europe). We want blue-sky thinking. Names, slogans, logos – nothing is off the table. Send me your ideas by this time next week, please💥
FYI, we will also be appointing a key account manager for ACME. So make sure to push the envelope, folks!
Maddie
– –
Madison H. Kowalski
Global CEO
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations
9 East 71st Street, Manhattan
NY 10021, USA
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 09:06
Subject: For heaven’s sake
Good grief, what is Maddie up to? Nice to get a bit of kudos from HQ, but she could at least have given us a heads-up about this competition idea. It will mean hundreds of dumb ideas from our stupidest employees.
And why do they want a new key account manager? I’m the boss, and frankly I am the best man for the job.
Thanks for your splendid company yesterday – I am still feeling the effects! Who would have thought that five bottles of Chez Somme Soi’s finest plonk could disappear so quickly 😊
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.brussels@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Cc: madison.kowalski@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 09:15
Subject: Maddie’s email
Calling my Brussels crew! I just want to whole-heartedly support Maddie’s email this morning.
This is an opportunity for all of you to engage with our strategic agenda and contribute your creativity. Many minds, one goal. Everybody equal. All pulling together as a team.
Remember, my door is always open!
John
– –
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations,
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations,
Rue de Luxembourg 81,
1000 Brussels
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 09:23
Subject: Re: PFAS links
Michelle, can you make sure nobody disturbs me? The last thing I want is people wandering into my corner office like they own the place.
Thanks for all those PFAS links you sent me. It looks a bit complicated, to be honest. Would you be an angel and print it all out for me (easier to read that way). Also, could you think up a few snappy slogans for ACME so I can impress Maddie Kowalski? You will receive your reward in heaven 🙏
P.S. Do you have any aspirin? My head is pounding after an intense business meeting with Graham yesterday.
P.P.S. A tall skinny latte would make me a happy man. No foam. You really are an angel ♥️ 😇
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: geert.kirtdurk@acme.org
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 10:17
Subject: Re: Re: Looking forward to working together!
Hi Dirk, thanks for such a swift reply. I am not feeling 100% today – could we talk about ACME strategic communications next week instead? I want to be on my A-game for you.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: geert.kirtdurk@acme.org
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 11:22
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Looking forward to working together!
Yes, it’s Geert, of course it is, I am so sorry! I don’t know where Kurt and Dirk came from. I am so bad with names – even Dutch ones. And that’s despite my impeccable Dutch heritage. Ik was een Nederlander a long time ago. I guess I am too busy thinking about the big picture for ACME to absorb secondary details.
It won’t happen again, Geert. See you next week, Geert.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: ben.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 14:00
Subject: Re: Re: Your birthday
Yo, Benji! What’s all this fuss you are making about PFAS in consumer products??
As a matter of fact, your father has just won a massive contract to represent the people who make the stuff, so I’m already a bit of an expert. Just fire away, ask me anything, I am entirely open, honest and transparent. It’s called professional integrity. And let me remind you: my professional integrity is paying for your apartment and your education.
But there’s no need to stop shaving (fluff all over your face is not a good look) just because you think there is PFAS in the razor blades. Next thing you’ll be telling me there is PFAS in the water! 😂
C-ya bro!
Big Daddio 😎
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: jemima.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 13 Jan 2025, 14:40
Subject: Re: Re: Ben’s birthday
My darling wife, this really has gone too far. What do you mean Ben is joining Extinction Rebellion?? And that me winning the ACME contract was the final straw pushing him to become an activist?
I can’t have a son of mine getting arrested for blocking the traffic while smothered in makeup and dressed like a lunatic. Clearly, frying pans are a slippery slope to political extremism… I need another aspirin.
From: madison.kowalski@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.europe@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 20 Jan 2025, 15:00
Subject: We have a winner!
Hey guys!
Last week, I asked for your creative input regarding the ACME account. I have been truly overwhelmed by the response. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to all you dedicated Euro HooFies for submitting your ideas!
I am delighted to say we have a winner. Michelle Bonamour from the Brussels office went the extra mile and produced a superb PR concept. I can’t spill all the beans right now, but what I can say is that Hoogenboezem-Fisher will soon rebrand the ACME as the Chemical Sustainability Alliance!! More details soon!!
I am therefore delighted to announce that Michelle will be the new key account manager for ACME. She starts immediately and will report directly to me. Please join me in extending our heartfelt congratulations to Michelle.
Maddie
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 20 Jan 2025, 15:03
Subject: Fw: We have a winner!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I asked Michelle to draft some ideas for me, but clearly she sent them directly to Maddie. I feel betrayed, stabbed in the back. After everything I have done for her… Et tu, Brute?
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 20 Jan 2025, 15:12
Subject: Fw: We have a winner!
Michelle, congratulations!! We did it!! I suppose being my secretary has been quite the inspiration, some of my PR magic must have rubbed off on you 😉 Thank heavens I entrusted you with all that PFAS research – it really set the stage for you to shine, didn’t it?
Of course, nothing needs to change between us. I trust we can keep working together just as before.
Perhaps you could get me a tall skinny latte to celebrate…?
Part 3: Topsy the Turtle
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.belgium@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 09:00
Subject: Wake up and smell the chemicals!!
Hey guys!
Congrats to all of us who worked on the rebrand for the Association of Chemical Manufacturers of Europe (ACME)!! ACME has welcomed the change and will now be known as the Chemical Sustainability Alliance. Bonamour, who led the project, tells me she got the idea from the world’s biggest frying pan makers, who call themselves the Cookware Sustainability Alliance.
We also designed ACME’s new logo, Topsy the Turtle. Topsy is green (of course!), loves children and is very safe inside her chemical shell.
We launched the rebrand in Antwerp last month, where the Chemical Sustainability Alliance was a big hit with industry leaders and Brussels VIPs. After discussing how to de-regulate the industry, they all took home a free Topsy coffee mug with a topical message:
Keep up the good work!
John
– –
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations
Rue de Luxembourg 81
1000 Brussels
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: jemima.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 09:05
Subject: God bless America!
Darling, good news!
The New York office wants me to visit! Maybe we can get out of this dump at last. We are made for bigger things (at least I know I am). Brussels is a permanent building site, it feels like there is a turbo-charged chainsaw inside my head. Which reminds me…
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: elon.musk@tesla.com
Cc: investor.relations@tesla.com
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 09:35
Subject: From a European admirer
Dear Elon,
I hope this finds you well. As a fellow business leader, I truly admire your radical approach to economics! We need a chainsaw in my new specialist area — chemicals. The industry is totally overregulated.
May I invite you to attend the Chemical Sustainability Alliance’s annual convention for Europe’s chemical industry? Would you be willing to bring the chainsaw?
I will soon be flying to the US and would be delighted to meet you at the White House to discuss.
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations
Rue de Luxembourg 81
1000 Brussels
Belgium
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: geert.kirtdurk@acme.org
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 10:22
Subject: Rebranding ACME
Dear Geert,
Congratulations on the launch in Antwerp last month — a great start to the Chemical Sustainability Alliance! We urgently need to rebrand your website so the message is green green green. You know what I mean: smiling children, blue skies, sunny countryside, sparkling water etc etc. Everyone’s doing it nowadays.
I’m so glad you liked Topsy the Turtle! My family love it too. The idea came to me at my favourite restaurant, Comme Chez Soi, where I do some of my best work.
All my very best,
John
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: leni.gespenst@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Cc: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 10:33
Subject: Onboarding
Hi Leni,
Welcome to the team as my new secretary!
Michelle, your predecessor, will onboard you with all the tricky stuff. Michelle is now working with me on the ACME account, one of our biggest clients. She is proof that, with my help and if you do the basics well, you too can have a great career at Hoogenboezem-Fisher.
Speaking of the basics, a tall skinny latte would raise my productivity by a factor of 10. Be an angel and get one for me? And book me a table for lunch at Comme Chez Soi?
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 10:37
Subject: Topsy the Turtle
Michelle,
We need to align on the ACME account. I heard you are not happy with Topsy the Turtle.
It is easy to make mistakes when you are new to a job. Topsy is an innovative marketing solution that perfectly communicates the nature-friendly, safe and happy image that we are trying to convey to the public. Simply put, it is PR gold.
No way is it a “childish dumbing down”, a “ridiculous throwback to the 1970s”, or “worse corporate PR than Elon Musk’s Nazi salute”, as I saw you wrote in an email that is going around the office. I am very disappointed that you should undermine our work in this way.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: ben.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 16 Mar 2025, 21.15
Subject: Have you lost your mind??
Ben, WTAF??
I just saw you on the news at an Extinction Rebellion protest with a big banner saying “POLLUTERS PAY HOOGENBOEZEM-FISCHER TO HIDE THE TRUTH. LIES DON’T BIODEGRADE — STOP THE GREENWASHING!”
We are not “greenwashing” the chemical industry, we’re just helping them align their brand with eco-conscious market trends. By the way, it’s Hoogenboezem-Fisher. If you’re going to expose us, at least spell it right.
And what on earth were you all doing with that big green turtle??
Dad
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: geert.kirtdurk@acme.org
Date: 17 Mar 2025, 09:00
Subject: Re: illegal protest
Dear Geert,
I share your dismay at the disgraceful protest outside the Brussels Parliament yesterday.
I was shocked they had an enormous model of Topsy the Turtle at the centre of it all. How dare they represent Topsy to be humping the planet in that semi-pornographic manner? As if ACME is to blame for climate change and pollution.
I really cannot understand where Extinction Rebellion got this idea from. Even worse, the media seemed to think it was extremely funny. I hope the police lock them all up.
John
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 17 Mar 2025, 09:10
Subject: Disaster!
Mate, it’s a PR disaster! All that good work for ACME down the toilet. I will need a bucket of red to help me forget this. Comme Chez Soi opens at 10:30 …
Part 4: Green light for green PFAS!
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.belgium@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 10 Mar 2025, 09:00
Subject: Wake up and smell the chemicals!!
Hey guys!
I have some BIG NEWS for you this morning! Yes, it’s our long-awaited marketing campaign for PFAS: EVERGREEN CIRCLE®™
After VIP talks with Hoogenboezem-Fisher’s New York office and our friends at the Chemical Sustainability Alliance (formerly ACME, the Association of Chemical Manufacturers of Europe), we are all agreed.
It is time to stop saying sorry for PFAS. Instead we will sing the praises of these amazing chemicals!
EVERGREEN CIRCLE®™ will have three strategic pillars:
💥 PFAS are GREEN: we can’t reach zero carbon without them!
💥 PFAS are FOREVER: like diamonds, they don’t wear out!
💥 PFAS are CIRCULAR: we can re-use them again and again!
I will give a full presentation at 10:00 today in the Big Meeting Room.
See you there!
John
P.S. we have a lot of unsold Topsy the Turtle merchandise, the value of which is now zero after Extinction Rebellion paraded through Brussels last month with a huge model of Topsy humping the planet. Please come and help yourselves.
– –
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations
Rue de Luxembourg 81
1000 Brussels
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: leni.gespenst@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 21 Apr 2025, 11:34
Subject: Unavailable
Hi Leni, could you make sure my door is firmly closed this afternoon? I will have an important business lunch to attend.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: michelle.bonamour@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 21 Apr 2025, 11:36
Subject: Re: Re: Green light for green PFAS!!
Michelle,
I get it – you are not fully onboard with EVERGREEN CIRCLE®™, which is a cutting-edge concept and therefore a little difficult for you to grasp.
But calling it “a silly campaign run for an unnecessary product made by a short-sighted industry” is going too far! You will be invited to a disciplinary meeting later this week
John
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 21 Apr 2025, 11:38
Subject: Re: Green light for green PFAS!!
Michelle has just set fire to her career at Hoogenboezem-Fisher, and no amount of Aqueous Film Forming Foam is going to put out the blaze ha ha!! Shall we raise a glass (or three!) to her inevitable exit …?
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: jemima.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 21 Apr 2025, 11:51
Subject: Next chapter
Hi babe, my PFAS presentation went incredibly well this morning! I really am amazingly good at this. And even better, it looks like Michelle won’t be bothering me much longer, she has really blown it this time. I can’t wait to board the plane with you next week for what I am certain will be the start of our next chapter — the New York office of Hoogenboezem-Fisher!
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: leni.gespenst@gmail.com
Date: 24 Apr 2025, 09:00
Subject: Re: Today’s Financial Times
Leni, what do you mean it’s all over the Financial Times?? Michelle leaked our PFAS marketing plan?! I don’t have a subscription, can you send me a PDF?
From: leni.gespenst@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 24 Apr 2025, 09:03
Subject: Re: Re: Today’s Financial Times
Here it is, John:
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 24 Apr 2025, 10:22
Subject: FT article
Trump is right, the media is all fake news!! The FT included. I will make sure Michele Bonamour never works in this industry again.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: jemima.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 24 Apr 2025, 10:25
Subject: Bad news
New York is off.
Part 5. Is this the end?
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 28 July 2025, 09:30
Subject: Let them sue ha ha!
Grazza, I have some news! You could not make this up. The chemical industry – in the shape of ACME – is demanding my resignation. Ha!! What a bunch of losers!
I guess it’s because of that balls-up with the PFAS campaign. But they agreed to it in the first place!! I don’t think it’s serious, just a negotiating tactic to lower our prices.
The beaches here in Spain are amazing. But so many Brits! I hoped Brexit would mean fewer of them, but hey…
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 5 Aug 2025, 09:57
Subject: Re: Let them sue ha ha!
Yawn! Separate letters from Arkema, Chemours and Solvay, the big PFAS producers. Each addressed to me, and all demanding I resign. I will write to Geert at ACME to smooth it all over.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: geert.kirtdurk@chemical-sustainability-alliance.org
Date: 5 Aug 2025, 10:06
Subject: Can we sort this out?
Geert, my friend!
I received your letter yesterday. Surely there’s no need for all this? After all, you signed off on the PFAS campaign before we went ahead with it. “Fantastic piece of work!” I think you said. The ACME rebrand was “genius”, you said.
Anyway, let’s put our problems behind us and relax, eh? I hope you too are enjoying a cocktail on the beach ⛱️☀️🍹😎
– –
John Hoogenboezem, Jr.
Belgium Head of Operations,
Hoogenboezem-Fisher Public Relations,
Rue de Luxembourg 81,
1000 Brussels
From: geert.kirtdurk@chemical-sustainability-alliance.org
To: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 5 Aug 2025, 10:11
Subject: Re: Can we sort this out?
Put our problems behind us??? Your PFAS campaign has been a disaster from start to finish, you made Europe’s chemical industry look like fools. I am going to crush you like a fly. I shall pull all your legs off one by one, you pathetic little insect.
Geert Kirtdurk
President
Chemical Sustainability Alliance (formerly ACME)
Rue Montoyer 157
1050 Bruxelles, Belgium
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 5 Aug 2025, 10:23
Subject: Re: Re: Let them sue ha ha!
It seems I’m in real trouble. It turns out Geert is serious about sticking the knife into me. I’m being made a scapegoat, abandoned, hung out to dry. It’s the industry mafia, they are out to get me!! What shall I do??
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.belgium@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 5 Aug 2025, 10:45
Subject: No need to worry!
Dear All,
A big ¡Hola! from Benidorm! ⛱️☀️🍹😎 I have heard rumours are circulating in the office that I am being forced to resign.
Guys, don’t worry! Remember, Hoogenboezem-Fisher is a big happy family. If one of us is attacked, we are all attacked. We will stand together as a team. Right or wrong, we all share responsibility.
I love you guys! Great to know you’re on my side! ✊ ❤️
John
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: graham.bender@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 7 Aug 2025, 15:05
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Let them sue ha ha!
Saved! This letter just arrived:
From: mail@distribution.cision.com
Reply-to: no-reply@cision.com
To: global PR list
Date: 8 Aug 2025, 08:30
Subject: John Hoogenboezem Jr to leave PR industry
2025/08/08
For immediate release:
John Hoogenboezem Jr to leave PR industry
John Hoogenboezem Jr, Brussels bureau chief of PR giants Hoogenbooezem-Fisher, is to quit the industry after becoming “disillusioned”, he says.
Hoogenboezem Jr will move to a senior position at ChemSec, the world-renowned chemicals watchdog.
“I am grateful for my time in PR, but now it is time to move on,” Hoogenboezem Jr says.
“I have become disillusioned with the ruthless self-interest of my clients. I have had enough of lying for money. I am better than this. In my new role, my conscience will be clean.”
For more information, please contact:
John.Hoogenboezem.Jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
(If no reply, try: thehoogishere@hotmail.com)
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.global@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 8 Aug 2025, 08:31
Subject: I QUIT
Dear all,
I’m outta here. This is a lousy company and you all suck. I’m going to work for the good guys.
As for the chemicals industry, they can kiss my ass.
Byeeeee!
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: jemima.hoogenboezem@gmail.com
Date: 8 Aug 2025, 10:12
Subject: More bad news
Darling, I’m screwed. It turns out ChemSec’s job offer was a spoof.
And I have just flushed my career at Hoogenboezem-Fisher down the toilet.
From: john.hoogenboezem.jr@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
To: allstaff.global@hoogenboezem-fisher.com
Date: 8 Aug 2025, 10:33
Subject: Re: I QUIT
I know you are all laughing at me now. But I shall return.
You have not heard the last of John Hoogenboezem Jr.
Don’t miss the next set of leaked emails!
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The Hoogenboezem Files is a satire and a spin-off from ChemSec’s Hoogenboezem-Fisher awareness campaign in 2021. Read more about it here.